someone new in my life

For the past eighteen months or so I have been sharing my life with a figure, who at first was on the fringes, but now are front and centre sharing my life on a daily basis. I would like to introduce you to “the Gloom”. Who or what is the “the gloom”? I hear you ask yourselves. “the Gloom” is my name for depression. I was diagnosed with it in March this  year.

My depression aka “the gloom” is on the mild end of the spectrum. I am finding it hard to have a constant mood. I am a yoyo, up some days, down the next. This feeling is not constant it goes and then comes back. It brings not a feeling of sadness but a feeling of pointlessness, I find myself wondering what I should do today because there are not job vacancies and after unsuccessful job interviews, I think, what did I do wrong?

“the Gloom” is in my life for two reasons. Firstly, on the surface I am depressed because I can’t find work, and spend my days looking for work and dream of being a campaign supremo and speech writer. The second reason is probably the underlying reason, I am just coming to terms with my disability. You may find that an odd thing for me to say because I have been disabled all my life.

I am struggling with this because I was brought up to believe my disability was not a barrier to my life However, I have discovered that it is and that realization has hit me hard, Yes my disability has led me to change the law and climb Ben Nevis. But it stopped me from moving to London to take a job with ITV that I would have loved. It is limiting my job prospects because I have to think about my home first and not the job, so it is stopping me from fulfilling my potential.

But “the Gloom” has made me realise what I want to do with my life and that is to make a difference to people. By managing “the Gloom” I know I can make a difference to someone’s life, my own.